| Fuck the cause. |
[Jun. 13th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uneasy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Broken Social Scene- "Cause = Time" | ] |
Is it so bad to want to try something different for once? To try and put yourself out there doing things you wouldn't normally do?
Or in this case, take a chance and trying to trust someone you just met right away?
If someone you just met says they like you, how do you react? How do normal people react to that kind of thing? I really don't know. I never know what kind of actions and responses are appropriate.
But when someone who comes on that strong suddenly backs away, what does it mean?
Somehow I feel like I did something.
I. need. to. stop. being. so. paranoid.
And I need to find a ride to LA so I can go to anime expo.. : /
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| Obnoxious actions, obnoxious results. |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|11:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  paranoid | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Chameleons- "Up The Down Escalator" | ] |
Here I am yet another night... a night where I starve myself of sleep... a night where I am afraid to sleep... afraid to be unconscious... all for unrealistic reasons, too.. I haven't had a nightmare in a while, but I fear the possibilities... my brain fucks with me too much. If I can avoid pain for even a moment, I will. I don't have the typical methods like drugs or alcohol... I guess it's the only good time ADD comes in handy.. I can forget about things for a moment.. or awhile. It can be nice.. I'm not always unhappy. I feel elated at times, but I never feel truly happy. I haven't felt true happiness in 2-3 years... Ever since that time with "him"... It's been such effort just to get his name out... I just have no strength for it right now... I'm convinced I cannot get over him because of how happy he made me before... My brain and heart cannot let it go. I want to be selfish, but it's not something I can do. Thankfully I am a logical person so I know not to act purely on emotion... Although, I still can't control how I feel... just my actions. In a way I am not the typical bi-polar since I can control a lot, but I suppose I wasn't always that way.. I hate drugs and meds, I want to overcome everything on my own. I believe it's possible. Not because I am an "optimist" or anything, but because I truly see potential.. in my feelings, in my brain, in.. me. I just need my time to shine. It's not anything I can create myself... fate has to do something for me. Or else it won't mean a fucking thing.
Every day I wonder where I'll end up.
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| Now is a time to burn everything. |
[Jun. 4th, 2009|12:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  fucking burst of sunshine...? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dir en Grey- "24ko Cylinder" | ] |
I had an interesting birthday.
I met this guy named Teejay recently, technically I met him online 2 weeks ago, then on Sunday we started talking and I gave him my number, we ended up having a text conversation.. for 3 hours. That doesn't really happen with me. And I was in a very emotional state and randomly got REALLY nervous... I really liked talking to him and got all anxious and flustered and couldn't really figure out why. So, I went over to his house last night at 8, we watched a bunch of movies and he taught me Magic the Gathering. A couple times he scooted closer, but I figured he was the kind of person who must have physical affection. When he went to sleep, I stayed awake watching movies, of course, and he was kind of laying on me. In his sleep state he basically started cuddling me, I didn't know how to respond. But when he kept waking up he didn't seem surprised or anything, we just.. continued? o.O And then by the time it was 7 or 8 in the morning he kissed me... then we kissed a little more. His cousin came in so we stopped, but then he left and we did a lot more of it. o.O At some point I was able to get a little bit of sleep, and it was strange because never before had someone fall asleep on me, or me sleeping on someone else. then yeah... we were kind of couple-y all day and stuff.. even now I'm like... O.o... because I'm not sure if he was just after a hook-up, was desperate, or is genuinely interested in me. And also, I'm not sure what I really am after, either. But I guess I'll just wait and see. He's cool, nice, and very sweet, so I know we'll be friendly regardless if anything more happens or not. I'm not sure what to think right now.. I'm just not used to the idea of me with someone. : /
In other news, there is a thunderstorm going on tonight. Usually I'm very afraid but I'm able to tolerate it... In fact, I'm kind of enjoying it... ( I am totally going to guess my obsession with Lambo from Reborn is why. Oh, thunder battles... <3)
It started raining 5 minutes before midnight (about the time I got home, actually... xDD). I have always wanted rain on my birthday. Five minutes counts for me... it was a good way to end the day.
Though, I really don't like my mom getting on my back about how much time I spend on the computer.. >.>
Gragh, I don't ask for much, really..
Not giving up yet, though... : /
And hello, age 20. NO LONGER A TEENAGER.
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| I don't want to waste your time. |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|03:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thisiswhateveryouwantittobe | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Strokes- "Under Control" | ] |
When you look at me
What do you see?
Do you see a sunny disposition?
Or do you see the exact opposite?
Do you think I'm delicate?
Do you think of me like porcelein?
Would I ever be your doll?
Would I ever be anything?
How can I prove I exist?
Will my mark be left on you?
Will I ever scar you?
Am I attainable?
...Are you attainable?
Do I soothe you?
Do I destroy you?
Do I not affect you?
Do you think I'm shatterproof?
Do you think I'm forsaken?
Do you think I'm dainty?
Do you think I'm unfortunate?
Would you stop caring if I wasn't all you expected?
Would you leave if I never changed?
Would you stay knowing you made the mistake to?
Would you feel guilty for not trying hard enough?
Would you pity ME for not trying hard enough?
So many questions... that I'll never know the answer to.
Because I can't read thoughts. Or trust what ones come out.
Crack me all you want, I'll never break!
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| Someday you will find me caught beneathe a landslide. |
[May. 30th, 2009|03:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lolwat | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Oasis- "Champagne Supernova" | ] |
I desperately need a change... and not just me. Millions of others... I know I am not the only one who feels crappy all the time, I am not the only one living with bi-polar disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, or the lack of social skills and perfect looks, I am not the only one who struggles... Why can't everyone be equal? Why is this earth so tainted with shallow human beings... the kind who look down on others for being impure, not "fun"... basically not perfect? I only care what others think... because I have to. That's just the kind of world we live in. We must impress those higher than us just to get anywhere in life... it's wrong, it's unfair, but it's reality. I don't want to change who I am, because I don't feel I should, but it's something I will have to do. I'm not clever enough to take advantage of others, and mold my way through to top.. Oh no.
But I guess I can at least admit I care about other peoples' opinions of me. It pisses me off how so many people are like "I DON GIVE UH FUCK WAT U THINK" but really... if someone truly didn't care, why be such a loud, obnoxious bitch about so many things?
I really don't even know what I'm talking about right now. I can barely even see straight.
This song makes me want to smoke a lot of weed.
"Where were you while we were getting high?"
Makes me think of the old days... when I'd smoke with Julian.. Although it was only a few times, I liked being with him.. even though he didn't seem "all there". My heart was always in a different place than his, and... you know I'm not really sure where I'm going with this thought.
I want something to be magical.
"How many special people change?"
He definitely changed, which is why I'm somewhat over him... but I guess I can't let go of the past.
...I want my memory erased.
And to start over...
...Awesome. I'm such an emo kid. -_-
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| If love is just a game, how come I've never won? |
[May. 26th, 2009|01:56 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | jealous | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Noah and the Whale- "2 Atoms in a Molecule" | ] |
Today was the last day of the Jubilee.. and what a day it was.. : / On my way to downtown, I did see Cameron again, but this time it was on the bus and he was outside his house... That's a pretty random occurance.. But anyway, I don't really know whether I should have went today or not.. Julian's girlfriend showed up... I knew she existed and everything, but... I just really didn't want to witness that. But now I guess I have more motivation to lose weight.. >.> Just wait... I'll be thin, and I'll pass someone's standards..
It was extremely hard to keep myself together, but I got extremely lucky when Natalie and Emily showed up... That made me feel a lot better. And after the jazz band set the three of us hung out for awhile, then I went back to their house. Which is always fun. <3 And then we went to Max's house for a few hours. Fun stuff..
I'm still kind of pissed off, but if this was the me two years ago, I would have killed myself instantaneously... I mean, I know I still have feelings for Julian, but it's nowhere near what it once used to be.
And I have a giant fucking headache now... I just need a break from everything.. : /
Unfortunately video games can only help with so much.
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| Tear it apart and start again. |
[May. 24th, 2009|10:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Guster- "Happier" | ] |
Well today was a lot better than yesterday.. Still not exactly exciting though..
First off, as soon as I got off the bus I ran into Cameron again. And he apologized for yesterday, he said they were all completely stoned. xD I don't always figure out when people are high, so I guess that would explain it. But it made me feel better because of yesterday..
I was in a hurry to the next Sea Monkey set, so I did that. Lots of other alumni were there too. (Well, it was the alumni set, afterall.) I felt better getting to talk to Julian this time.. still not much, but more than yesterday. I just miss being able to be near him..
But the most exciting thing was that I got to play! I got to make up for my not-playing from last year.. And even better, Cameron came to watch me play. I think he came for me because I think he left after.. (/logic) I noticed him when I was on stage and I had the lamest smile >.> oh well.. I could have played better, I was so freaking nervous.. Since it's been, like, two years since I last performed in public.
I think I ended up talking to Julian's parents more than I talked to him... his mom is always friendly, and his dad usually hugs me a lot, and even Julian's uncle ended up hitting on me... It was quite funny, I think... Julian noticed and apologized afterwards, haha. I think it was pretty good... I just wish I had something to do for those 3 hours I wandered around after.. : /
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| Maybe you will always be just a little out of reach. |
[May. 23rd, 2009|07:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  manic-depressive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Guster- "Satellite" | ] |
It's that time of year again... the jazz festival. It's one of the most anticipated moments all year for me. And even though I never blog anymore, this will always be blog-worthy, and for personal reference I must talk about it.
So, today wasn't all bad... though definitely not as exciting as previous years. My nerves were really bad this time. On the bus, I just ached all over. Lately I've been getting dangerously close to having panic attacks. In high school I got them frequently, (meaning around 10 a week) but I purposely keep my stress to a minimum... though I can say, I am susceptible to stress more than the average person..
Though when I arrived, Julian wasn't there. Somehow I was unsurprised.. haha. Somehow that made me less stressed out. And it was weird how empty the place was... usually Old Sac is full of people! That was a little disappointing, but ah well. They did well. I'd still go even if I knew he wouldn't be there.
Afterwards Derrald and I wandered off to take pictures. I think that's his name anyway, I just know him as Lexi's grandfather. I think he was surprised I agreed to it. Well, it's not like I had anything better to do...
He had to go, so I wandered around by myself for awhile. I did run into Tina and Cory though. And we hung out. It was nice, seeing as how Tina and I used to be so close back in school. Catching up is good..
Right before the next Sea-Monkey set I saw Julian. He came up and said hi and I hugged him. I swear, I always notice him at the most epic timing.. gah. Anyway, after the set started, I saw Evan and decided to sit with him for awhile. I miss that kid. It was weird because him and I have always been clingy with each other, so I don't really get that kind of affection anymore since I haven't seen him since last summer. He kept noting how tense I looked... I really couldn't help it though. My mind was so distracted... : /
I hung out with him and his cousin after that set. We went to the place for the band's next performance, and I saw Meagan. Haha, a good little memories, and most random of all, I ran into my dad. He laughed at how I jumped... well it scared me. It was not a good thing to run into him there. It conflicts my OCD greatly. I feel bad for being so cold to him, I really am fond of him, but I guess I keep conversations as if he was just an old friend I happened to see.. : / I need to get rid of this curse, maybe then I wouldn't avoid my parents so much.. D:
Well, after the set, I was hoping to get to talk to Julian again to ask him if he wanted to maybe hang out... but I suppose he didn't notice me. Made me sad, but I didn't want to run after him.. I'd just look stupid. I decided I should probably wait 'til tomorrow to see him.. : /
But since I didn't really want to go home, I decided to stick around... just in case I ran into anyone I knew. I ran into Alyssa..... I was sad it was more of a "hi" and "bye" conversation.... man, losing close relationships sucks... all these people I used to be such good friends with barely talk to me. I was trying, I really was... I guess everyone's just busy. Or maybe I'm secretly hated.
But I guess what topped it off was running in Cameron of all people and having one of the most awkward moments ever... not even kidding. I'm surprised I spotted him, since he really doesn't have "stand-out looks" but hmm... who knows. I puzzledly hugged him and noticed he grew a few inches. He's a total giant now. I haven't seen him since the jazz camp concert.. And I do still like him too, so seeing him scared me like it did with seeing Julian.. And when I said it was awkward, I mean there was like, 5-10 seconds of total silence and just standing there with him and his friends... and then one of his friends laughed and he said he was leaving... in the most unexcited voice I've ever heard. I've never had that kind of awkward moment with someone I liked before...
That put me over the edge than I kind of already was...
So in the process of trying not to have a public breakdown I went to the docks to listen to some music... and then when I was checking the bus schedule, I realized they changed it! And I missed the last bus because apparently the schedule changed.. not knowing how else I would get home, I did start crying. But luckily it was early enough that I could call my mom before she left.. so I did that. : /
Well, there's still 2 more days, so I guess I'll just see what happens..
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| That time of year again. |
[Mar. 15th, 2009|12:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Chitose Hajime- Triangle | ] |
It's mid-March.. Time flies so fast.. and I don't even do much... still a lame-ass... confused between feelings.. and self-value... I'm pretty worthless, I don't even know how to change. I want to... No, I need to. Or else I think I'll die. And that scares me.
Man, I wish I had something valuable to write about. |
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| : / |
[Jan. 16th, 2009|11:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Saori Sakura- "True My Heart" | ] |
Good evening, LiveJournal. It's been awhile.
I've realized that my ego, is in fact, quite large. I mean, I've known I've been rather self-absorbed my whole life, but I guess I realized how much pride is important to me. I hide behind a computer screen in a house I don't spend a lot of time away from just to forget why it is I'm hiding.
I hide because I'm ashamed of who I am. I'm nothing but a strange, defective worthless person. I have a brain but it has clearly failed me. How or why I don't know. I don't know how exactly I got to be in the situation I am now. I mean, after high school I was so sure that my plan would turn out alright. It didn't seem logical that it couldn't.. I never really asked for much. Ever. I wanted a job; that was my top priority, so I could save up money, buy a car, save up for school, move out, and then only have the emotional problems to deal with [and the least of my troubles]. That failed miserably and I've been struggling ever since. Even though I did have a car and a job for a brief while, it doesn't measure up to success. I don't even really know what does. All I know is that I'm struggling and I have abolsutely NO idea how to fix it, or fix myself.
Heh. I talk about how large my ego is, yet I seem to have absolutely no confidence.. But that isn't true. I just have nothing to be confident about. And upon occassion something will go to my head, and I can get extremely self-centered... that is why I think I have a large ego. I can be smug and arrogant... but really, I'm just bullshiting myself.. : /
I suck.
I'm not doing well at all..
So many kids younger than me have already accomplished so much. Lots of my younger friends, and people in general, have jobs and money and trophies and awards.. etc. I never did anything with my life except for jazz band, and I really wasn't great or anything, I just knew how to act and do what I needed to do to make myself look more professional... so aren't I really a fraud for deceiving people like that? : / I'm pretty secretive, but not in the way that I tell people I have secrets. Because, that's absolutely stupid and pointless. People who are like "I know something you don't know and I'm not going to tell you" are freaking idiots.. -.- I'm certainly not that way.. I'm more secretive in the way that I honestly don't want someone knowing a certain thing about me, therefore I do not even mention it.
And that whole previous state is hypocritical and contradictory.. : /
I will not let anyone love me until I can love myself. And for that to happen, I must be great. I must be worth something. I must not be useless. I hate myself for not being something, so why should anyone love me? I hate myself for a reason. Anything bad that happens to me is karma, right?
I love how some people seem to be fooled... as conceited as that sounds..
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| Thanksgiving. |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|03:04 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kyou Kara Maou- "Hateshinaku Tooi Sora Ni" | ] |
I am two weeks late to be saying my thanks, but the months go by so fast, nothing ever "hits" me until way after its begun.
Things I am thankful for:
-Warm showers. They are simply divine.
-Being able to live a vegetarian lifestyle.
-The fact that libraries are free.
-Having arms and legs.
-Easy access to warmer and colder weather, mountains and beaches.
-The internetz.
-Anime.
-Instant messaging.
-People like Brittaney, Natalie, Katrina, and Spencer.
-Microwaves and toasters.
-Electricity in general.
-Not being a complete idiot.
-Plushies!!
-Actually making it to 19 years old.
-Canned soda.
-Rainbows.
-Colors in general.
-Hand sanitizer.
-Delicious cake.
-Art.
-Video games.
-Advancements to improve the health and well-being of all of us.
-A large bed.
-Supermarkets.
-Photoshop.
-Technology in general.
-Random conversations.
-Meaningful conversations.
-Maps.
-Automobiles and transportation in general.
-Colleges.
-Financial aid programs.
-Books.
..........
I'm sure there are a lot more, but I am insanely disorientated for the time-being. Bleh.. damn sleeping medicine.
But... with so much to be thankful for.. why am I not happy? : /
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| Dancing through the months. |
[Nov. 21st, 2008|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NewS- "Weeeek" | ] |
Why hello world of LiveJournal. How are you today? Do users treat you well?
Oh LJ, it seems all anyone ever does is complain and rant. But what about you? Do you like it? What do you do for fun? How do you sleep at night?
....
And I'll stop talking about like you exist or something xD
um...
Well, I guess I have some things to look forward to.
I at least have a direction in school. It might not be definite, but I sure as hell am glad I have somewhere to start.
I guess my so-called plan is to get a B.A. And I decided to major in anthropology.
That's one thing off my chest. I don't know if I'll even stay in school, but meh.
It's something to do, I'm not really motivated for anything.
Also, I suppose I'm going to visit Spencer in Florida in a few months. That's the most exciting thing so far.
And, possibly going to Canada in May. Seeing Matt, and possibly Conor. :)
That's about all I'm really looking forward to, I guess.
I hope next semester turns out well.
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| Eden is lost. |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|08:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Asura- "Lost Eden" | ] |
Tonight is just shitty. : /
I stopped driving my car about a month and a half ago, because of the broken transmission, but I've been keeping it in case I needed it for something really bad. Well, I was going to go to the football game tonight... The homecoming one. it would have been lots of fun too. It would have given me an excuse to get out of the house for once..
BUT NOOOOOOOOO
My car is officially undrivable. So, I get to miss out on one of the few social gatherings I actually enjoy going too..
Oh Julian.. I miss you so much.. I just want to see you and talk with you.. maybe I would get over you for good instead of swinging back and fourth between "I'm over you" and "Not anywhere close." I've been thinking about everything that's happened a lot lately.. I'm doing better.. really.. but I guess that won't make you want to talk to me any more or less..
ugh
Anyway, so now I'm here, for the 5th Friday night a row.
Well, so much for that.
Guess I'll talk to Conor and Spencer and whoever. |
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| Will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me? |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|12:42 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boxercar Racer- "There Is" | ] |
It's been awhile since I've listened to so much different kinds of music in one day. When I mean different, I mean, not what's on my crappy itunes playlist thing.
Earlier today I went with my mom and her boyfriend to Apple Hill. I haven't been there since I was a kid. So it's been at least 6-7+ years.. not likes there's much to do, but hey, I figured I could use somewhat fresher mountain air than my own smoggy city air.
Ate some really nasty fries that didn't come for about 40 minutes. Drank apple cider unpasteurized out of the bottle, got a tad sick. But hey, that's kind of what I wanted to go for. haha. [The cider, not the sick part.]
In the car, it was on the radio. And I never listen to the radio, but I didn't want to tell them to turn it off or anything. And for some reason, songs that usually bug me didn't. Like, I could almost easily listen to everything I heard without wanting to cover my eyes. [I'm such a music snob =/] And it was all like, pop stuff. Not top 40 kind of pop, but more mellow, early 00's, 90's stuff? yeah.. Idk. It was weird. And I heard the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis and as soon as I went home I downloaded it and listened to it for about 4 hours. And I've been blasting it all too. And strangely, after I got done with that, I started listed to Katy fucking Perry. That song "Hot n' Cold" is so fucking addicting. I listened to that for about an hour. And now I'm listening to Boxcar Racer.
I never listen to music loud, but tonight I'm just drowning out the world.
On another note, I guess I finally realized I'm a masochist for love.
I talk about how I'm all alone and don't care, secretly wishing someone will prove something to me, and then when they do I get really mad and angry.. I secretly crave attention and then when I get I'm like "Fuck you, stop it."
What the fuck is wrong with me? Sometimes I wonder if Conor and I could ever be something. We're best friends, I guess, and I guess it's loosely platonic? He just broke up with his gf and I know he's heartbroken. I'd like to assume he's joking when he hits on me but sometimes I don't know if he's joking or serious. And like tonight, he asked me to marry him so I can come live in Canada with him LOL. I'm going to assume that was a joke. Sure I care about him but I don't think my feelings for him are like that. hmm.. it's so complicated.. >.<
Whatever. I'll just continue to starve myself of sleep and wake up my neighborhood with my drowning-out-of-the-world. |
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| Waiting for the sky to fall. |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Our Lady Peace- "Somehwere Out There" | ] |
Hm, well today was different in a way. I'm pretty glad I have the free bus pass now. Don't have to worry about making absolutely sure I don't miss the bus.
Although I did make some uneccessary stops today after school. Didn't even get home until 8:30 >_>
Today was good otherwise. My HCD class was rather interesting for once. And I'm glad to get my assessment results back. Pretty helpful, I think. Now my plan for Tuesday is to get myself an education plan..
I scored highest for Artistic, 2nd was Investigative, and 3rd was Conventional.
We got into group with our highest ranking and were supposed to draw a picture of ideal jobs.. ironically, NO ONE could draw well! xD But we all got different kinds of artistic, for example, I'm obviously the musician.. lol
So yeah, that was fun.
Yesterday was awesome too. I got to hang out with Miranda finally! God I miss her =( She's my "best friend" but it's obvious there is still a huge barrier between us.. I wish I knew how to make it crumble.
We went to the SPCA to go pick out a dog, she needed me there because she isn't an adult yet. They were so cute! (And sad T_T) But she ended up not getting one.
I saw Frank yesterday too. Haven't seen him since I ran into him at the river that one day. He keeps picking on me cuz I'm so shy.. haha.. well everyone does.. but w/e.. I wanna hang out with him.. I should call him.. >.< I'm sooo shy around him.. Even though it was like SEVEN YEARS AGO that I had feelings for him I still act like I still do sometimes. HAHA, and I used that as an excuse why I'm so shy. *sigh* sometimes I wonder what would happen if that one day I actually would have the balls to ask him out... I'm so fucking stupid >.< as much as I wanted him, he was attainable, I was just so unbold. And even though I got over him years ago, I guess I'll always regret not making anything of it..
I wonder if seven years from now I'll act like that around Julian? >_> probably.. everytime I see him I become more and more reclusive.. maybe I'm just scared. Who knows.. He has better things to do than for me to waste a minute of his time..
Wow, this is weird. I started writing this thing in a great mood, now I'm all sad. >_> wtf
I'm not usually affected by lonliness, but FUCK, I wish I was somewhere else right now. |
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| mm, whatcha say? |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|09:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Imogen Heap- "Hide and Seek" | ] |
I guess it's that time where I should update, for the sake of doing it.
I hate school.. it sucks.. I screwed myself over. I don't even deserve to call myself a college student.. But I'm trying, right? Maybe that counts for something.. Maybe.. who knows..
Maybe next week when my personal assessment results come in, I'll learn more and figure something new out.
I'm extremely apathetic at the moment. I was so happy today for no reason, but I should have known, every time I feel "happy" it's always followed by a crash. Luckily I'm not there, I don't think, and I HOPE it doesn't come. I'm already biting people's head off.
Fuck them.
hmm.. maybe I should drink tonight.. anything's better than being angry.. |
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| Rip out those magazine smiles. |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|12:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vocaloid Kaito- "Kimi no Uwasa" | ] |
Wow.. I really lead a boring, dull life lol. Not really much to talk about. I saw Julian a week ago, but only for a minute. I talked to Cameron last night for the first time in awhile.. even though he's clearly happy with his girlfriend.. I'm just glad we can talk sometimes.. I don't really know why I like him so much. I mean, we barely speak to each other. He's always busy, I don't have anything to say other than "hi." *sigh* stupid memories.. that's what keeps me attached. If I could only erase my memories.. life would be so much better. But nooo stupid me has to go and be the type who can't let anything go.. >.<
Hmm.. where to start with obsessions.. since I have nothing else to talk about. :P [And I like to keep track of them.]
Well Code Geass is finally about to end. The anime pretty much sucks but it's so addictive somehow. And oh god, my craving for SuzakuXLelouch never fucking stops!! It's been like 2 months now! And my folder is half a gig! lol
And i got into Katekyo Hitman Reborn recently. I freaking love it already! YamamotoXGokudera is my new OTP. <3 And fuck, I wish more Kyou Kara Maou would be subbed. D: There are a bunch of subless episodes!! I want to watch ='(
Anyway, I take this test periodically. My answers always change. I'd say this time is the most accurate. I'm trying to stop being in denial of so much... |
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| Nothing to put here. |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vocaloid Kaito- "Sakura" | ] |
Well, I got back from Oklahoma today. It was nice to see some new sites, and my brother. He's grown up quite a bit.
There wasn't a whole lot to do though exceopt drive around. My mom and I ate a ton of food, went to the mall a couple times. I got some really nice new boots! Most expensive things I've ever owned =_= jeez.. well.. I love them, I'll keep them for years..
On Friday we drove into Texas for an hour or two.. yeah.. not a whole lot there... well we didn't go very far past the border.. but still. It's just another state I can say I've been to. Also, our plane made a stop on Denver. Yet another state I've "visited." Although it was just the airport.. meh
Now I'm home and back to solitude and boredom. I wish I had more classes at school.. |
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| SacAnime 2008!! |
[Sep. 1st, 2008|11:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lazytown- "You Are A Pirate" | ] |
It was a very good weekend. I only expected to go on Friday for a few hours, but later on in the evening I ran into Natalie and Brittaney and Alan, and I basically decided to spend the weekend at the convention with them. [Much much love to Brittaney for her kindness to pay for my weekend pass. <3333]
I was happy to meet lots of new people, even become friends with some. I was absolutely thrilled people wanted to take pictures of me!! People thought I was cosplaying on Saturday, with all my suicidal candy-cane-ness self. xD
Nope, I was just dressing colorful.
haha
Some people did REALLY well on cosplays, and the inner-fangirl in me tends to get overly excited sometimes. ^^;
Next con I go to, I definitely want to cosplay! My 3 major ones I want to do are Shirley from Gode Geass, Asahina from Haruhi, and Miku from Vocaloid. Miku would probably take the most time/money.. the first two girls I don't even need a wig.
I need to learn how to sew.
=_=
Memorable moments:
-Good-time memories
-My transmission is going through puberty
-"Going down?"
-Baptists
-Meeting awesome voice actors Sam Riegel and Spike Spencer [Spike is hilarious!]
-Hilarious stares at the mall and Carls' Jr.
-Extremely nice people
-Lots of glompage!
-Player Kid
-Spin the Bottle O.o [I did NOT participate]
-Sexy fuzzy dice
-Tons and tons and tons and TONS of laughing
-I can has talk liek this
-Ramune bottles are designed for spin the bottle O.o
-RAVE DANCING!!
-I'll take the potato chip.. AND EAT IT
-CHOOOOCAAALLLLLAAAAATTTTEE
-Faaaaaanservice galore!
-"This is me screaming in the fridge"
-Dinner with Aerith! And finding how many ways she can kill herself lmao
-Chibi battles
-CARAMELLDANSEN!!!!!!!!!
-Hare Hare Yukai!!!!!!!
-Smexy yaoi/yuri action 8D~
-New plushies
-Awesome awesome awesome cosplays
And yeah, I know there's plenty more, but I try to keep my rants as far from tl;dr as possible.
It was an amazing weekend.. I picked up a couple of plushies and a few necklaces.. |
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| Misguided. |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|05:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie- "405 (Acoustic)" | ] |
Hm. I guess I don't really have much to say anymore.. But then again, I don't lead the most exciting life..
I've been learning photoshop a bit better lately. I can do cooler than that I could before. I've made a wallpaper and put it up on DeviantArt (look it up if you want, http://colorxmexeden.deviantart.com)
I wanted to get into layout making again, this time using my own backgrounds.
I just spent the past 4 day on a back ground that turned out to be too big -_- so that plan failed. But I don't feel like spening more time on that, so I guess I'll have to go back to premades... but I'm so picky >.>; So my myspace will probably just be basic and plain with a few codes... gahh
And why the fuck is college such a long application process?! T_T It's stressing me the fuck out!
I need to finish up my poem too. I'm very happy people like my writing. Cameron even made a song out of one, which is pretty cool :]
*sigh* I wish I could talk to him more. It seems to be an every-three-days thing..
Anyway, I'm looking forward to a few things in the next month. Starting college (HOPEFULLY!!!!!), going to the fair (hopefully?), going to San Fransisco for the first time in years, and going to Oklahoma to see my brother. =] |
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